2017 all I did was go to school and go to work, taking 15 units and working 4-5 days a week. I went out very rarely and did not sleep at all. My diet was all trash so I gained weight which then made all my clothes not fit. I also faced death of a friend, Paige, family issues, and later heartbreak.

This schedule/series of events together, pushed me into deep sadness, self-hatred and depression. I would lay in bed and cry all the time. I didn’t feel human, and I still don’t. I didn’t have time to cope with things or relax.

I felt as if I was going to die and really wanted to if it meant I’d get a break.

2018 I reduced my work days and only a part time graduate student. I make an effort to hang out with people as I am scared to lose them. I create things not as a hobby but because my mind needs it desperately.

Being around good people, dressing up, eating better (6 months of being vegetarian), losing the depression weight, avoiding straight men (lol) has helped a ton.~~~~

Even with this I still had trouble balancing school, working and personal life. (Hint grad school is hard!) Though I do love learning, I can see where the institution is just a business. I faced several issues with my department. I feel unsupported this is why I started performing on my own.
I need more time to myself but also more time to create

I debated heavily but…

2019 I am quitting my job to focus on my mental health, Art, and school. I just can’t balance it anymore.
I’ve become so run dry, so stressed, so sad and I don’t want to be anymore.
My Instagram is misleading I’m always working or at school (shocker lol)

The solution I’ve come to is…
Move home 🙇🏻‍♀️, to Riverside.
Quit my job, still go to school part time
Stop working to pay rent in LA where I’m not even home 80 percent of the time.

I don’t need to live in Los Angeles to create.
I need time to be a creator.
Time is the thing that’s valuable.
It’s the thing that changes everything but also kills.
Use it.

2017 I spent crying, 2018 I spent healing.
Now I’m hungry to reveal what’s inside me.
This is all 2019 is going to be.
Creation, and Execution

I’m grateful for every experience and person I’ve met in Los Angeles. I appreciate how everyone always stays busy here, I’m just too mentally exhausted at this point to continue this schedule. 🍂.

I’ll be touring SoCal with my little art once a month too. I’ll still be around, you know where to find me if you want to see me, my new car gets great mileage I’ll come to you lol.

P.S.

I’m not rich, my parents are not rich ✌🏽
I was lucky that my family was poor enough growing up that the State paid 90% of my undergrad tuition, free, plus paid me extra grants so that’s how I paid for laptops/phones/cars/instruments/art supplies.
Soooo my student loan balance is low currently, god bless.

But if me living with my parents, and off student loans bugs you, that says more about you as an egotistical person.
You would rather have someone die from depression, than accept help from their parents?
Block me please, do me the favor.
Student loans aren’t going to kill me but this life almost did.
Mental health first, and always.